30 December 2009

What I've realized

My friend Elaine left me. She's like the best friend I've ever had. That means there's something wrong with me. And it's something really serious. With the help of my boyfriend we figured out the real meaning of why my friend, Elaine, hates me. I figured it's actually really simple, me. I realized that I really am ssso immature. I view things very shallowly. I don't think before I act. I want everything I want in a snap. I'm very selfish. I don't know how to get in my own feelings. I tend to follow the ways people wanted to see in their hideous naked eyes.

It seems I hafta fix a lot about myself. And I know it seems really easy, but it's quite hard for my part. It's like I've been reborn at this age without any knowledge of anything. Sort of like Kyle XY. I have to start from scratch. I first have to know the good and the bad things going on in me. As I analyzed, I went to a complete lost. I'm nobody. I felt discouraged, but then nothing will happen if I'll just whine like I used to, there has to be a new me. So I thought hard. Eventually, I've gathered everyting I needed to gather. Yyay me. Now, I thought of a probable solution of how I'm going to fix my life. I have to feel what others feel. I have to feel what they might feel. I have to feel what I feel. I have to feel what I might feel. I have to be careful not to hurt people I love, and that includes myself, my friends, my boyfriend, and my family. Everything seems to be in my hands, I mean how they will feel towards me. I'm practicing the sensitivity thing, and it's quite hard, but it felt lighter in my heart. I think I'm beginning to have this some kind of weird improvement, and I think it's good news.

My goal is to have Elaine back as soon as possible, I don't want that 4 years. I want her now, I want her to be part of that 4 years. I now realized how hard her part is as well. Having ME as her best friend. If I were her, I left myself a long time ago already. She didn't really want to leave me, but she thought that it would benefit me a lot and her as well and everything has just got to end. She's really smart, I know. I just hope she's smart enough to realize that I I've realized enough for her to come back already. I'm going nuts already, we both live in different worlds already, how is she suppose to know what I've become already? It's too late. She has endured so much already. All the times she tried to leave me, she was trying to tell me this, and I only realized it now. That's how stupid I am. And now I regret all those years of being immature, selfish, and everything nasty.

At the least we're both happy. She's happy having no more me attatched to her. I'm happy having realized how true a friend she is and how she helped me with my own being. I think this is the end of our story, or not, or I don't know. They say that the end is always happy. Now that we're both happy, does that mean we have to really end it? What about the after-four-years we planned. Plans-shmlans. Now I gotta go and figure this thing out.


Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

RAIA said...

Dear Mr. Anonymous,

Thanks, really. I'm glad that somehow I get these KIND of compliments from people. :)